Man, this year hasn't been so good for blogging..
I've been all over the place and almost completely neglected my blog.. I feel terrible for doing so but I was stuck in a rut for awhile and got away from a lot things.
Here's a post that probably won't make sense to some.. But just know I'm ready to get back on my feet.
***And please, don't take this post as if I'm trying to boast or anything like that. Those of you have read my blog in recent years know that I write my heart out to encourage young people. Through my struggles and downfalls, that I know us young people experience, I put my heart out there for you to know that we all go through similar trials and there are people who are here for you... like me.**
I've been thinking about needing to be an example and a role model for girls younger than me(or around my age). It has been tempting to fall in line with the world around me, the stress, frustration and a mindset of neglect of my responsibility. Honestly, I haven't been the example I should be. I felt the responsibility on me but I didn't want to step back in the spotlight and be criticized, ridiculed, and truthfully I didn't want the attention at all. I remember awhile back, I stood proudly, wanting to be the prime example for all the beautiful girls around me who had so much potential but didn't know how to put it to practice. I was the example for the young ones who said "I want to be like Meagan when I grow up"... It touched my heart and encouraged me when parents/aunts/grandparents would come up to me and thank me for it.
But life happened, trials came and I've hid in a corner, isolated for a few months. Hibernation? No. Isolated. You know the feeling where you don't want to be around anybody? But when you are, you feel like you're not even there. Not apart of what's going on around you. That's how you know you've been drawn away from the world into your own private corner. You can either make the best of it or let it destroy you completely... Or you can be like me, where I was somewhere in the middle. It started tearing me on the inside but I'm thankful for my mentor who would encourage me that God is pulling you aside to teach you how to pray, fast, be in His spirit... Etc. So, to be completely honest I was torn in the middle of feeling alone yet knowing God is trying to work on me.
I was broken hearted, felt alone, not understood... My prayer life dropped, my worship stunk, my mind wandered and distracted me. BUT, my mentor would tell me God wants you to LEAN on Him instead of others. He wants YOUR full attention. He wants YOU.
My mentor was probably the person who kept me going and sane. **For all the young people who read this, please find an elder in your life (with Pastor's approval) who can give you guidance. One who prays and cares for you.**
How special do I feel to know that God made LIFE HAPPEN in order to get my attention that HE WANTS ME? That He wants to be my best friend, my comforter. He wants to use me secretly in prayer.
Now that I'm starting to understand how God was working and finally ACCEPTING it, I can say that it's time to get back on my feet. There will still be times God wants me to hide in a corner for a few hours in prayer or reading where He needs me.. but I feel He doesn't want me to stay so isolated like I have been. He needs me to be a help to my sisters, my brothers, my friends, you...
Life happened but until I saw His big picture, I didn't understand.
A toast to 2011, a time of learning..
But to 2012, just brace yourself.